Does How We Judge Others Come Back to Bite Us?




We all do it. Make snap judgments of others based on their appearance or one interaction with them. Its nearly impossible to do so despite the fact that the phrase, "don't judge a book by its cover" has likely been drilled into all of our heads. It's like reaching for a cup of coffee after losing sleep. Its not beneficial to us in any way, yet we can't resist the momentary satisfaction and the 'high' it gives us. Especially if it makes us feel better about ourselves and earns us acceptance from amongst our peers. 

Summertime comes along with beautiful weather- which you cherish greatly if you live in a consistently bleak climate- as well as the opportunity to go out and experience what else it has to offer. Trips to the amusement park, drive in, etc. etc. Unfortunately the ability to laze around on a beach seven days a week also entails societal pressures to attain a "summer body" or a "beach body". Whatever you want to call it there's no denying the fact that we've all conjured up our own versions of what the ideal body looks like and and struggled with how our own physique matches up to it. 

How do we put together a set of individual bits of pieces to create a model of these 'flawless' body shapes and contours? Through what we are exposed to in our day to day lives and, of course, through the dreaded media. Once we've convinced ourselves that our concoction is a goal to aim for we begin to judge strangers on said beach against it. Which, as I previously mentioned makes us feel better about ourselves. Pointing out a flaw someone owns which we might have never had to worry about does make us feel better about ourselves although it's sickening to admit it. 



I appreciate you being patient with me as the above tangent does, in fact, come to a conclusion. One you might have already guessed from the title of this post. The longer and harder we gawk at passerby and judge them on appearance the easier it is to look in the mirror and pick apart at ourselves. When we start noticing every scar, mark, and blemish in someone else's complexion we eventually begin seeing ours pop up. Soon they're the only things we're able to see. 

No one is safe from a toxic mentality, the individual in possession included. The real question is how we can avoid falling into a trap created by a perpetually negative society. A society that firmly believes that each of their opinions are validated and in the right. Below are a handful of strategies you can employ to avoid harming others by judging their appearances and harming yourself in the process. Give your inner critic a break. 



Number 1 
The most efficient habit you can create right away is to replace your negative thoughts about others and yourself with more positive ones. Instead of scoffing at someone's oddly patterned pants try and value their unique sense of style. Don't allow negative comments to be a reflex. 

Number 2
Humanize strangers to the point where it becomes impossible for you to judge them coldly. Once you've gotten to know and love someone you can't bring yourself to judge them based on trivial things. Why not give strangers the benefit of the doubt and show them the same kindness? Accept and humanize yourself as well. You're worth more than your external appearance on any given day as it is. 

Number 3
Practice positive affirmations regularly. Whether you paste them on your mirror, rehearse them daily at a certain time, or write them down, find a way to fit them into your schedule. A positive affirmation is a positive phrase which counteracts the negative emotions you harbour regarding yourself. If you're happy with yourself inside and out you won't feel the need to break other people down. Here's a little something to start you off, "I'm worthy of happiness because...". Of course you'll feel a bit ridiculous at first, the concept of complimenting ourselves is a bit far fetched for the most of us, but you might just notice changes in your attitude towards yourself down the line. So stick with it.



Number 4
On the subject of compliments, work towards accepting the ones you're given by others. Too many of us are guilty of responding to a compliment with, "No I'm not", accompanied by a generous helping of nervous laughter. When you reject such a kind advance not only do you discourage the individual who went out of their way to compliment you but you also knock yourself down a peg. They shouldn't feel bad about noticing other people's positive traits and making their days with a flattering comment. Instead, try encouraging them to do so  by responding with a "thank you" and complimenting them right back. 

Number 5 
Don't go through it alone. The journey you go through to accept yourself can be difficult. This is especially true if you've struggled with your appearance and self-esteem for an extended period of time. Talk to a friend who also wants to allow themselves a healthy dosage of self-love and make these changes with them. 



Number 6
Avoid interacting with people who can't seem to stop pushing themselves down. Even if someone jokingly makes jabs at themselves a constant stream of negative comments will eventually find its way towards you and your thoughts. We adopt certain traits and characteristics of the people with whom we spend a lot of time and if you find yourself surrounded by negative, self-loathing peers you won't be able to move away from a similar mindset. 

If you or a loved one are struggling with self-acceptance and are experiencing extremely negative emotions regarding yourself or others please call 911 or visit your local crisis center or hospital in case of an emergency or click here for online resources. 



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